A Long Awaited Step

I've been pulling ~50 hours/week. Plus over-night pet-sitting and now a 7-horse barn until the 24th. I've seen CB work with B maybe twice and for 15 minutes tonight. Do I feel like a bad horse mom? Yes... But am I? I was reminded today by a friend that some people never even show up, they just ship their horse out. That's what I feel like I did. But I've needed these last two weeks to make a decision I never thought I'd actually be able to make.

We're moving.

No, not out of state like I'd like to. But the first step... 5 minutes away. I'm going back to where it all started at Tavern Stables. This is the place that I learned everything I knew about taking care of horses, started to ride, and learned what it meant to be a horse owner for the first time. Yeah... It seems like a lot of money to board there but honestly, it's not. It's $450 a month. This pays for hay, grain, a stall (that is attached to a paddock so he can be out 24/7), pasture to graze on ALL DAY and not some tiny paddocks I've been waiting to get kicked out of, change of scenery every day... And all I have to do is clean my stall. No more feedings... Just time to worry about me and my horse. Oh, did I mention the two round pens and fenced arena. It's not the prettiest of places or fancy like Melody might be... But it's home. Sometimes you just need to go back to where it all began... Come full circle before moving on.

I sent everyone a text after talking to the BO and told them what was going on. I feel bad... I do. But it's something that I really need to do and actually, feel a little relieved. It just started to become more work than anything and I was losing my horse, and my mind. Nothing to do with the girls, I tried to make that clear. That is the best group I've had at Melody (minus I do miss Sherry). Plus, if something goes wrong at Tavern, I always have a stall with her. :)

This move will allow me to really put myself together and be the start of a new beginning for me. And maybe it will allow me the time to get the extra help that I need, for myself. There have been a lot of people to come into my life over the last year that I push away because I have to do this and I have to do that. My whole world has been work since I could remember and it was the way I was brought up. Nothing is as important as busting your ass until you have nothing left to give, even family. Which sucks to say but I know neither of my parents read this or can feel bad about it... Yes, I understand, you have to work to live... But that's the thing. I don't live. I work. So here it goes...

The thing I will miss the most. Kate. Over the last two years she has become one of my best, closest, most reliable friends and someone I could always trust with anything (which is a lot for me). I honestly don't know if I could've made it this far with B or at the farm without her. Leaving her and Ms. Lu behind will probably be the hardest thing, but out of everyone, I know she understands. <3 Honestly... I wish I could go on and on about how much of an amazing person she is but I can't only because... There aren't even words to describe it. I will miss boarding with her... Riding with her... Laughing at her while she attempts to hammer in a nail or screams bloody murder at the squirrels. But maybe this will open a new door where we can do other things, like get PinkBerry more than whenever the stars decide they're going to align. All I know is that although we may not board together anymore, she's around the corner...

She'll never be rid of me.

Back To CC

So Brantley made his way back to Cherry Croft yesterday. "New" pony friend Wendy was so nice to trailer us. I'm so lucky to have friends like that and I blame K for them all. He pretty much got right on the trailer which is something I was a little worried about but he actually fits on hers so it was easy. I followed her up and unloaded him easily. He gave a low nicker when he came off the trailer looking around like, "I remember this place..." He quieted down quickly and we took a little walk. Cindy welcomed us and we put him in his stall and she had cleared a spot for us in the tack room. She's so wonderful. W and I played with some kittens while we waited for CB to get done with his lesson.

D showed up and we talked for a while and then I took a video of CB's ride on this young lanky Dutch Warmblood for his owner. After everyone left I hung out for a while. Pulled B out of the stall and brushed him down, picked his feet, and took him for a walk on the trails.

I haven't had a chance to get on him over the past week. He's finally back to his quiet self, dragging his nose on the ground while on the lunge line. We've been taking it easy. I started running again, which I'm really excited about, so Friday I showed up at the barn, threw on B's halter, and took him out for a 2-3 mile run.  We ran into a little family that had 3 kids and they cuddled with him. He dropped his head for them to scratch and the hand fed him some grass. He was complimented by a fisherman and a young couple that were talking an afternoon stroll. Felt like a very proud mom for how polite and quiet he was.

Why didn't I go running with the pup you make ask? K9 Chevy was volunteered (by me) to donate 500mls of blood to an older dog that was bleeding internally and didn't have enough platelets to stop the bleeding. He was a very good donor (and very drugged) and has been resting over the last week. He should be back to normal tomorrow and we can start running again down to the beach. We've been slowly reintroducing playtime with Dad (who bought him a new soft Frisbee from Cabela's for his efforts).

Other news: WIND IS AT THE FARM FOR A VISIT! While B is away I offered our pony friend Cassie to keep her pony in his stall so maybe I could help her. We'll see how that goes but I'm really optimistic.

Feeling the Sun

I know that sounds really strange but I've felt a little better the last few days. More than a little. I really think the weather has a lot to do about it and not being able to work my horse doesn't help either. I did however, use the late night time before pet-sitting again to catch up with some friends. I told myself that I need a break and I need some date nights. So what did I do after my 3 weeks away from home?

Friday: Got together with Deb for some pony time and a coffee. Movie date night with Ms. Kate. Unfortunately Amanda couldn't make it but she was there in spirit! We saw "The Other Woman" and I think K and I both peed a little. If you haven't seen it yet (man or woman), SEE IT! Absolutely hilarious and full of life lessons. Guys a assholes hahaha. Unless you kind of a look like Gerard Butler... Then you're awesome.

Saturday: Breakfast with Sherry and Tom, then off to Gillette with Deb. We went to an amazing store that I just LOVED. Probably the most girly store I've been to (other than ULTA... which is also amazing) in forever. It's called Charming Charlie's and let me tell you, I don't know if it was the open atmosphere or the way they organized the colors... I loved it. I mean LOVED it. And I have to go back before we go see Clinton Anderson, there's a hat that's screaming my name. <3

After that we went to Trader Joe's and I bought wine! WINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't drink wine. But hey, it was called "Dark Horse" so I had to. We bought both the cabernet and chardonney (now that I know what that is). The it was to ULTA and of course, ended at Bass Pro Shop. Then we headed home. I met Sharon at the barn and got to play with Diamond and jumped on Comic for a bit. Then I made my way BACK to Deb's for some pizza and wine... And dancing around the living room.

Sunday: I worked...

Monday: I worked... Dinner and ice cream with Deb.

Tuesday: I worked...

Wednesday: I worked... THEN WENT LINE DANCING! I think this is where my mood really changed. I finally got to go out with A and my friend Morgan. We met the BO, her husband, and Randi at the M-Barn. Did I know what I was in for? No way. But can I tell you that I can't remember the last time I smiled this much. Morgan and I talked about it on the way home. It was the first time in a while since I just did my thing and didn't think about anything else. Not about work, not about everything with Brantley... Nothing. I can't wait to go next week.

... I took a break Thursday and now I'm pet-sitting for the weekend. But things are still looking up. I worked Sunday-Saturday but then I get two days off and hopefully time with the horse.

Things have been rough with Brantley. He hasn't been himself... At all. To the point where he's been shying and running not only through gates, but people. Today I got out of work early and went to play with him with a new look... "Amazing Horses Just Don't Happen". I'm going to take our relationship day by day. He's meant to be with me. I'm meant to be with him. I see myself in him so much every time I put the halter on my face and it's a journey that we will struggle and prevail through. Can I just say, Brantley dragged his nose along the ground, ears floppy, quiet eyes, tail popped... I just smiled.

We've got this.